FindMyTBR

About The Princess and the Plumber in Identity Theft: Vol. 3 (Unabridged)

Marvin the Magnificent, formerly employed by King Parking as his Black (mediocre) Magician, messed up royally when his potion meant to turn Tundra from beast to beauty cast her into a near fatal sleep. After he was banished, the only employment he could get as an unlicensed magician was mixing drinks at the Black Cauldron, a tavern in the Magic Kingdom. He found he had a talent for making smoothies. He’d gained some notoriety for a drink he called a "Ruptured Spleen". It had a brown fudge swirl for bile in the center of a thick, sickly green liquid with a minty, medicinal taste—that was all the rage. Gwendolyn, his buxom girlfriend, was putting the squeeze on him to come up with enough money so they could get married. “What are you up to, Marvin? You’re supposed to be cleaning.” “I knows what I’m supposed to be doing, woman, and that’s making a new drink to get more butts in these seats, so you don’t need to be hard-timing me.” “Excuse me, Merlin, I didn’t realize a genius was at work. What‘s that?” “I calls it a Heart Attack, 'cause one sip will knock you flat on your back and someone is gonna have to pound on your chest to get your heart started again.” “And what if it kills them?” “They’ll get a refund.” After a bit of effort, Marvin announced to Gwendolyn, he’d come up with something he called Identity Theft, which he considered slicker than sliding down a slope of ice in January on your bare backside coated with K-Y Jelly. “I’m gonna exchange places with King Public Parking of Parking-Lot, so I can clean out his vault and steal all he’s got. That’s right, I’m gonna rip that sucker off for banishing me from his kingdom and taking away my license to practice wizardry. When I gets done with the king, he’s gonna be so broke, they’ll repossess his moat.” [laugh] [chuckle] [cough] [snort] After Marvin took on the appearance of the king, he started walking around helping himself to everything…including the queen. King Parking, who now appeared as Marvin , was forced to go into hiding living on the street, homeless and destitute with nothing to eat. It would be a life-changing experience if he should manage to survive it. The spell would eventually wear off, unless Marvin could find and kill Parking, making him the king permanently.